For months I have wished to support a friend I have known for over two
years
who may need to “come out of the autism closet,”
and who is also one of the kindest, bravest, strongest,
most selfless human being,
more than any neurotypical person I have known;
someone whose selflessness I could only compare to some
of my friends and allies at the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network or the Autism
Women’s Network.
This may be a shock for her, and if she is upset with me
for that, I understand.
Autistic people naturally feel low self-esteem and
self-loathing, not because there is something wrong with autism,
but because of years of discrimination and inequality.
If she is upset for me for breaking the news, I
understand.
It is a lot to ask of anyone, and something you should be
able to expect someone you trust not to hoist upon you.
Now when I say help her come out of the autism closet, let
me explain what I mean:
I do not mean that I plan to gain recognition for letting
her know she is diseased or needs to be fixed.
I do not mean that I wish to have her read books by
professionals who call her emotions or character flat or immature or treat her
like some person who can’t “get it together.”
I do not mean to treat her as if she or her chances of
getting where she was in life can be measured by some autistic who I consider
to be a basket case.
I do not mean that I need to treat her like someone whose
unique idiosyncrasies I need to constantly remind her of or patronize her for.
I do not mean treat her like she is a punching bag for me
as a person who is against things like vaccines, Monsanto, lead poisoning,
non-organic milk, abortion, or homosexuality.
I do not mean that she is someone I have to consistently
point out or blame for her past struggles with going to Burger King, keeping up
in school, following teacher’s instructions, or tolerating fluorescent lights.
I do not mean that I am going to strut around wearing
autism awareness on my sleeve, making her feel like some complete freak show or
charity case.
I mean to treat her like someone who has the same right
as any other person to have their individual needs to grow to her greatest
potential met without debating over whether it is due to being diseased or
treating her like I’m doing her a favor, no ifs, and, or buts, and no excuses,
hidden agendas, whatsoever.
I mean to treat her as a member of a group of people who
frequently don’t need to use small talk about weather or the price of gas to
avoid topics I am too uncomfortable to honestly talk about,
who don’t need someone with a grocery cart to make more
room between themselves and the sliding doors to get through when there’s ten
times as much room in the gap on the other side,
as someone who doesn’t need to hear or see something at
the next table and automatically assume it involves them,
who does not let themselves be judged by the presence or
the state of her things,
who have the courage and tenacity to follow their dreams
into fruition whatever the cost,
and probably included the cofounder of the Constitution,
the United States, and one of the best Universities in the world and the
smartest man who ever lived.
I mean to treat her as someone whose shortcomings are not
more severe rather than more tolerated.
If anyone wants to help a friend come out of the autism
closet, I suggest you follow my lead.
